


Heartbreak With Benefits

by homestuck_up_in_here



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Douchestuck, Friends With Benefits, Humanstuck, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Second person POV, Underage Drinking, but not really, but they drink, dave has emotional breakdowns, highschoolstuck briefly, more like extreme denial, then collegestuck, theyre eighteen to like yeah, yeah johns an ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4053895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homestuck_up_in_here/pseuds/homestuck_up_in_here
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert gets everything that he wants</p><p>He gets good looks from his dad. </p><p>Money from his family's corporation. </p><p>Popularity, girls, and much more. </p><p>He also gets to make a fuck toy out of you. but it doesn't matter, because at least he's happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey thanks for clicking on this little thingy I did because I've been wanting to do some kinda sadfic to darken the evilness in my heart and make my baby (dave) suffer. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it though! huehuehue.

You hate him.  
  
You _hate_ him.  
  
You, Dave Strider, despise your best friend, John Egbert.  
  
Except you don’t. Oh no, you do not hate him.  
  
You are in _love_ with him.  
  
You love every single inch of that stupid, stupid boy. You love his messy black hair and his deep, beautiful eyes. You love his teeth and how they still seem a little bit protruded even after years of having braces. You love him.  
  
You love _him._  
You _love_ him.  
_You_ love him.  
  
It doesn’t matter how you put it, you still mean it every way. Though this may seem confusing, it makes a lot of sense and is fairly true.  
  
You, Dave Strider, absolutely hate and despise John Egbert because you are absolutely, irrevocably in love with him.  
  
You think he knows it too. God you hope he doesn’t. Or do you at this point?  
  
You don’t know what he loves anymore. You don’t even know if he’s capable of loving anyone. He doesn’t love you. He never will. He just wants you.

 

He wants you and you want him. He wants you for all the wrong reasons and you love him for all the wrong and right reasons, and all the reasons in between them too. Because you are fucking in love with him.  
  
Why else would you be sat in the lap of this boy as his hands grip your hips and he guides them to grind down upon his as your hands grip his shoulders.  
  
You hope you leave marks.  
  
You hope he remembers how much he wants you right now, and how well he treats you because you know how much you love him but this, this _stupid, idiotic asshole_ can’t see it for some stupid, idiotic reason.

The moans slipping past his stupidly soft and warm lips, praising you for “being so good at this” and “so fucking hot, _babe…”_  
  
Babe.  
  
_Babe._  
  
He fucking called you babe. This asshole does not deserve to be calling you babe. He doesn’t deserve to be making these marks on your body, and taking off your shirt. You don’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve you. At least not like this. His touch used to make you blush and smile and feel warm inside but now all his touch accompanies is your skin crawling and your heart growing cold.  
  
This is your fault. You started this and now you can’t stop it. You act like you don’t enjoy it but the moans slipping from your mouth as you feel his dick slowly pushing into you after he pushed you onto your back against your bed _(you don’t even remember this. You don’t like remembering these moments anymore, they’re too painful.)_  
  
This is your fault and now you’re stuck like this. His stupid face is stupidly stuck in your mind and you don’t even know what to do anymore. God you’re sick of this.  Sick of feeling sick. Sick of being heart broken. Sick of lying to him and yourself.  
  
_Is this okay?_ No.  
_Do you wanna keep doing this?_ No.  
_Do you want me to stop?_ Yes.  
  
Why don’t you stop? Because you don’t want to. You love him and you could be like this with him if he weren’t so stuck in being so, well, “straight.” You use that term loosely because this, what you and him are doing right now, him (a guy) moaning out your name _(well, most of the time he does. Unless he gets another whore girlfriend. Then it’s her name for a little while.)_ and fucking you (another guy) while you moan out his name and you hold onto him for dear life because you _need_ him and you _want_ him and you _love_ him.

 

You love this and you love him and you never want to let him go and he (seems like he) never wants to let go of you either.  
  
You both climax and you moan out, not caring about the neighbors because they never bother to come and yell at you anyway. John plops down on the other side of the bed under the covers after pulling out of you. He’s already asleep after a few moments of course. You just sigh and get up once you’ve caught your breath, going to the bathroom to clean up.  
  
_God, you look like a mess._  
  
Your hair is going every which way, messy is almost an understatement, you have clumsy hickeys marked from your neck to your upper chest. He can leave marks but you can’t. it’d raise too many questions if you both had marks. _What an ass. You do not need this._  
  
You sigh and clean up, you trudge back out of the bathroom and into your room, plopping down beside John, he moves on his side and hugs you close to your chest.  
  
You want to lie and say you don’t nuzzle into the warmth that is his arms, you want to say that you move over and sigh heavily.  
  
But you don’t. You nuzzle into him more, sighing contentedly to yourself as you shut your uncovered eyes and lull yourself to sleep.

 

It's been like this for every sleep over and hang out the two of you have had for three years. You happily (sadly) went along with it. Let him take advantage of your invulnerable feelings like they're nothing because honestly, he could do anything to you, punch you, break you, screw you, reject you, anything. You would probably still love him the same, maybe even more.

 

God, you're so messed up. You can't live in such a masochistic manner any more, it's going to eat you alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I went through with making this a multi thing, heh. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and shit!

Your name is John Egbert, and life seems pretty good right now.

You sigh softly and smile to yourself as you walk up the stairs of your home. It's Friday and school has ended for today, there's only about two weeks left until summer break now and frankly, you're excited. There's gonna be tons of party's and other fun shit going on because it's summer, of course.   
  
Your dad isn't going to be home for a lot of the summer either, he'll be too busy starting up his own bakery downtown and having meetings and such to discuss it. You're happy for him but more happy that you'll be able to throw the most awesome party ever.   
  
It's senior year for you and your friends, including Dave, of course, so graduation is soon. Next week, to be exact.   
  
There's going to be a party held at your friend's place and you're so going to hit that up, and that's just the beginning!  
  
This summer is going to be awesome as hell and you're sure after is gonna be just as awesome too.   
  
You have plans for college too. You're going to major in music theory and piano performance (you want to be a pianist and a music/piano teacher) and Dave is going to double major in graphic design and animation, then minoring in cinematography.  
  
You guys have been best friends since as far back as you could remember (you both were 6 and had the same daycare class) and now you two are gonna move in to an apartment together soon since you're both going to the same arts college. It's going to be the greatest!   
  
Speaking of, you're going to Dave's house in a little and it's gonna be the best. His brother isn't home for the weekend so you guys get to play video games and watch movies in the living room, and moan out loud when you fuck, and order pizza..   
  
What was that about the fucking? Oh! Heh, you're not gay, of course you aren't. It's called "friends with benefits," and it's awesome! You both get to help each other out, like bros really should. Plus you've never really had any girlfriends who are as good as Dave is (no homo) and he never gets action anyway, so you both get to have some fun and benefit from it.   
  
Anyway, you should head out, but you probably should clean yourself up first.   
  
You're on the high school football team and you just finished practice so you probably stink a little, and it'd be pretty gross, and kinda rude, to show up and be smelly. _(you definitely aren't just saying that because it's Dave and you wanna smell good for him. That's gay.)_  
  
You send Dave a text and tell him you'll be over in a little while and to set up for whatever he wants to do first for your weekend of fun activities.   
  
_(You totally don't hope he knows you mean get ready to do it like, as soon as you're there.)_  
  
Once he sends back a short "ok" you go into the bathroom and begin clean up and get ready.  
  
  


 

* * *

 

You knock at Dave's front door about an hour after you began getting ready.   
  
His answer is quick and he's wearing your hoodie (you let him borrow it a while back but forgot about it) and some comfy-looking sweat pants along with his usual shades, the ones you gave him when guys you were in the seventh grade.   
  
He looks like he should be dressing for colder weather, especially compared to your loose tank top that dips down more at the sides and skinny jeans along with some converse.  
  
You smile a little as you walk in, giving him a fist bump as you do so.   
  
"Hey dude, you ready for a totally awesome weekend?" You grin and look back at Dave as he shuts the front door, nodding a bit with a faint smile ghosting over his lips.  
  
"Hell yeah man. C'mon I got us pizza." He smiles a little and you hum, walking over into the kitchen with him and he opens the box, showing a cheese pizza before he grabs a slice and puts it on a paper plate. You get your own stuff and start eating.   
  
After about four slices for you and three for him, you smile as he walks into his room with you and looks around a little, you presume he's thinking of what to do. You see that he setup two controllers beside each other in front of his TV for his Xbox if you wanted to play that, and a few movies are set in front of the controllers in case you wanted to watch them. You look at him as he closes the bedroom door and looks back at you. 

"So what do you wanna do now?" He raises an eyebrow just above the top of his aviators as he looks at you and you step closer to Dave so that there's probably a half a foot between the him and you before you speak, your words light and your mouth kinda close to his.    
  
"You." His face almost immediately reddens at that, you can't help but grin a bit at him, it's kinda cute _(no homo)_ when he gets all flustered.  
  
You hum and step forward again, nudging Dave back against the door, once he's against it, your hands slip down to hold onto his hips. You lean in and press your lips to his, your eyes shutting and your head tilting to the side.   
  
His hands creep up to wrap his arms around your neck and you smile. Your tongue slips into his mouth without any protest from the other and the kiss turns hungrier, he moans softly _and god do you love it when he does that._  
  
After a bit more making out, you pull back and tug him off the door and move closer towards his bed, pulling off your tank top and removing both of your's eye wear. He removes the hoodie, revealing his pale and slightly freckled torso and the kinda-faded hickeys you've left on him before that mark over his neck and upper chest, he likes when you give them to him, it's weird but you kinda like it too. You guess it's some sort of dominant thing. _(it's not like you don't want other people near him or hitting on him or touching him because he's yours you just..Yeah. Dominant.)_  
  
Anyway, You walk over and sit on his bed with your back against the headboard and he almost immediately sits in your lap, you smile and look up into his (beautiful) red eyes, leaning in to kiss over his neck slowly, your kisses are mainly open-mouthed and lingering as you pull him close to you.  
  
But something's... Off.   
  
He's not moaning like he normally does. Or when he does, they seem kinda... kinda forced.   
  
That's odd. You test it out by trailing your kisses over to his the spot on his neck that he usually gets chills at and you suck and bite over it.  
  
Barely a blink.  
  
Maybe there's a little hum in response, but no shiver or moan or anything. What's going on with him today?  
  
Maybe it's stress, he's almost frowning faintly as he looks into space. But his hips are kinda slowly grinding down on yours. You shrug and your hands move to grip lightly on them as your hips grind back one his.  
  
You do get a few moans from him at that, sooo he's probably okay.   
  
You continue on and leave more marks on him, at this point he knows not to leave marks on you. What? It would raise too many questions! He gets the hickeys (and he usually has them covered up ((to your dismay)) anyway) and you get the sexual frustration out.   
  
Everyone's happy.   
  
You're sure of it.   
  
He's moaning under you as you fuck him and he's acting the same again, it's okay.  
  
You're okay.   
  
Dave's okay.   
  
You're _not gay._  
  
Dave is, but he's okay with this being a friend thing. It's okay.   
  
You fall asleep almost immediately after finishing off in of Dave and basking in your after glow a bit. You hear a little shuffling but you don't know what he's doing because you're too tired at the moment to care much.   
  
Soon you're off to dream land without a care in the world.   
  
You could live like this forever, honestly. It's the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't notice, a lot of the parenthese'd (and sometimes italicized) things are John's thoughts, the no homo's are said to reassure himself and the things like "his (beautiful) red eyes" are things he really thinks but wouldn't say to himself. sorry for confusion! 
> 
> That whole end thing was him reassuring himself too, just to be clear.
> 
> John "I'm Not Gay I Just Like To Fuck My Best Friend A Lot (Without Caring About His Feelings)" Egbert 
> 
> (sorry for any fuckups, I'm probably gonna edit this a lot sooo yeah.))


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, graduations. 
> 
> Ah yes, graduation parties. 
> 
> Ah yes, John's still straight as hell. 
> 
> Dave's POV.

You had a fun weekend with John full of movies, games, laughs and fucks. But now (two weeks from that day, to be exact) you're waiting in an audience full of your peers, listening to your principal talk about something like he's proud of us all for making it and shit and John's sitting beside you, occasionally bumping shoulders with you then you share a grin with him. 

You all line up, you smile and bite your lip as you're a few behind walking up and grabbing the diploma then shaking the sweaty hands of all your school's advisers.  
  
Fun.  
  
Oh who are you kidding, this is one of the best things to happen.  
  
High school wasn't the funnest, all it did was stress you out and make you wanna pull your hair out. You're so glad to kiss it goodbye. A kiss with a fist, probably.  
  
Anyway, you smile proudly as you take the three steps and strut up to the principal, take the diploma and shake his hand as your name's called out. You walk down after shaking a couple other hands and you take your seat beside John again, he smiles and fist bumps you.  
  
"We're fucking graduates man, hell yeah!" He smiles happily at you and your heart flutters as you nod enthusiastically.  
  
"I know right, this is just the start of it, dude." You grin as you look down at your rolled up diploma and sigh happily.  
  
He leans over to talk to you more. "Hey, grad party at one of my team mate's place. Tonight. You gotta come, dude." He grins at you and you can't help but return it before hesitantly nodding.   
  
"Okay I guess I can go.. Is it gonna be fun? And are you sure i should even come? I mean I wasn't directly invited.." You say and he scoffs, rolling his eyes as he drapes an arm around you.   
  
"You're my plus one, okay dork? And it's gonna be hells of fun. There's gonna be booze there and all kinds of people there too man, you'll love it." He grins and you know you shouldn't trust him. But you so do. Oh boy.  
 

* * *

John and you go separate ways after graduation, you say goodbye to a few crying friends before ducking out and driving back home with your brother. Once you're home, you sigh to yourself and walk into your room.   
  
You pull on a black button down and some gray skinny jeans along with some black converse high tops and fix your hair up a bit.  _(damn those grad caps, always messing up perfectly styled hair.)_  
  
Once you've sprayed on some decent-smelling body spray, you look in the mirror and sigh to yourself as you adjust your shades out of habit.   
  
_You can do this. You gotta have fun, this is the last party you get to go to as a senior, c'mon man just grow a pair._  
  
You sigh to yourself and text John they you're ready, he responds that he's on his way there and you smile to yourself. Just the thought of him makes you smile, ugh, why does he have to do this to you?   
  
You say bye to Bro before walking and waiting outside your place.  
  
It takes about five more minutes until you see John walking up with a short-sleeved collared shirt that's buttoned all the way up with some sort of tribal-looking design on it and black jeans. He grins at you and you smile back as you walk up to him.   
  
"Hey dude, I figured I'd walk because he lives close and we may get shitfaced. you look nice by the way." He turns and starts walking beside you in the direction of the guy's (You think his name's Eridan?? Something like that, he's kinda A dick in your opinion.) house, smiling and bumping hips with him every now and then as you two talk and just enjoy yourselves.   
  
You savor the moments like these.   
  
Thee innocent ones, where he's not taking advantage of you or anything and he's just being your best friend and treating you nicely.  
  
You love it.   
  
You love him.   
  
You think you always will love him, no matter what. No matter how much you hate him.   
  
  
You two reach the house a couple minutes later and he's already talking to people he knows, but he keeps you with him and makes sure you're there the whole time.   
  
You think you're actually having fun.   
  
John grins at you and he grabs a can of beer for you and one for himself too as he walks in. You open it, take a sip, and smile to yourself as you walk in and lean on the wall of an empty corner of the room where all the excited partying people seem to have accumulated.   
  
John does stay with you for a while, people occasionally come and high five him or something, stay for a bit, then walk off, but he always makes sure to include you in whatever he's doing or whoever he's talking to.   
  
You smile at him and only feel a little drunky after four drinks. But by then John's on his seventh and he's having a great time, you laugh at some of his idiocy and he tries getting you to dance with him, you keep fighting it claiming you can't.   
  
"C'mooooooon party pooper, dance with me, you'll be great!" His speech is kinda slurred and you giggle, rolling your eyes and letting him tug you into the mass of dancing people as he dances with them to some rave-ish song. You roll your eyes.   
  
"Okay fine! But just one dance, gosh." You grin and he cheers as you dance beside him with the crowd.   
  
You actually have fun.  
  
Like genuine, fun.   
  
You're smiling and laughing and having a great time, not even caring about the other people because they're having a great time too and you don't feel like everyone's staring at you any more.   
  
It's great.  
  
You're enjoying this.   
  
The song ends, you sigh happily and pant as you walk back to your corner but John stays, partying and being loud as all hell, you laugh softly and start another can of beer as you watch him in the crowd dancing around and hollering nonsense along with "CLASS OF FIFTEEN MOTHERFUCKERS!" as loud as he can.   
  
Your friend, Rose actually comes up to you and you look at her with a warm smile, setting down your can on a nearby table as she greets you.   
  
"Hello, Dave, it's great to see you. But if i may ask, what are you doing _here_ of all places?" She smiles a little as she blinks up at you and you shrug.   
  
"John asked me to come, and I figured I shouldn't miss my last chance to go to a high school house party. Plus, I could say the same for you Lalonde. What brings you here?" You raise a questioning eyebrow at her but she gestures to her girlfriend, Kanaya, and you nod. She was probably convinced to come by Karkat, who always comes to these kind of things for some reason. Probably so he can live out the cheesy life of a classic american high-schooler.   
  
You shrug and she continues. "So how has your relationship with John been?" She raises an eyebrow and you sigh, crossing your arms. she knows about the whole "friends with benefits" thing and knows how it's tearing you apart.   
  
"It's the same. Y'know I think there's a little hope for me I mean.. He could just be in denial like you insist he is." You mumble, looking down at your shoes. Damn, you wish you didn't think about him so much. You saw her look around a little before sighing and looking back at you.   
  
"I know I said that, and I do still believe it but..." She trailed off and then she looks to the side, so you follow her gaze and you kinda just. Freeze.   
  
You didn't wanna see it.   
  
You're staring.   
  
_Why_ are you staring?  
  
_Why_ is he doing it?   
  
_Why._  
  
You can only think of that word as you stare at john standing on the coffee table as he's lip locking the biggest fucking bitch you've ever met, Vriska.   
  
It takes you a second to recollect yourself.  
  
Another second to stand up straight and say goodbye to Rose.   
  
And a few more for you to walk straight out of the house and to the street. You here Rose try and stop you but quickly give up. You sigh to yourself as you walk down the sidewalk on the side of the road, ignoring the fact that your stupid eyes are welling up and your stupid heart is pounding in your ears and you  _can't fucking breathe._  
  
You pant shakily and continue walking as you think about John.  
  
You do so much for him.  
  
So. Fucking. Much.   
  
He doesn't fucking care enough about you.  
  
He doesn't fucking love you.   
  
Especially not as much as you love him.  
  
This is fucking shitty and you hate it. You walk into your house and slam the door shut, your bro isn't home now so it doesn't matter. You lock the door and storm to your bedroom, kicking off your shoes and socks, tearing the stupid shades John gave you forever ago off your stupid fucking face and you take off your shirt, followed by your jeans and then you sit on the side of your bed and pant as you rest your head in your hands.   
  
This is so fucking shitty.  
  
You should be making out with John on the table.   
  
You should be her.   
  
You should be loved by John.  
  
Why can't you be loved by him?   
  
This is  _so fucking shitty._  
  
You sigh and once you're calm, you pull your laptop into your lap and sit back, messing around a little to try and distract you but your pesterchum goes off on both your phone and your laptop. Messages from John.   
  
Looks like he noticed you left.  
  
Looks like he didn't want you to leave.  
  
ectoBiologist  [EB]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]   
  
EB: daev where the ehll did yuo go?  
  
EB: daaaaaaavae cmon, i miss youuuu  
  
EB: dabe are yuo safe?  
  
EB: ahha! it say ssread on here soo you reda these  
  
EB: means that u left me nd now your ifnorig me.  
  
EB: okaaaaaay im gonna tty tmrw because im goin home now and then im gonna go to sleeeeep  
  
EB: eridans daddy came home and flipped SHIT  
  
EB: hehe, glad im not hiim  
  
EB: gooooodniiiiight <3!  
  
ectoBiologist  [EB]  ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]   
  
You sigh to yourself and close your computer then turn your phone off for notifications before slipping under your sovers and turning off the lamp on your nightstand.   
  
John's the worst to you. He's stupid and doesn't even understand how shitty he is.   
  
God, you can't do this anymore.   
  
You love him but he doesn't love you and it's the worst and you want to cry. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangover.
> 
> Fights.
> 
> Nice.
> 
> John's POV.

You wake up, and god does your head hurt.  
  
It's so bright outside, Jesus fucking christ.   
  
You grab some headache meds from your nightstand and take them. Blegh, even your mouth tastes hungover.   
  
From what you remember, the party was pretty fun. So technically, it was wo-hold on.  
  
Hold on.   
  
You remember a couple things.  
  
Blah blah party blah blah dancing with Dave, blah blah blahhhhhhhh...  
  
Dave left you.  
  
_Dave_ left you?  
  
_Dave left you._  
  
Your best friend left you, to walk home alone, at the last party of the school year. Which you got fucking wasted at.   
  
What the fuck is wrong with him?   
  
You were worried sick!  
  
Oh hell no. God, he can be such an ass sometimes.   
  
You sigh and sit at the side of your bed as you grab your phone, dialing Dave's number.  
  
After a few rings, he picks up.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Where the hell did you go last night, Dave? From what I remember, I was fucking worried dude. You can't just leave like that, what the hell?" Your voice clearly shows your annoyance and frustration. You hear a pause on his end.  
  
"Well did you make it home safe?" You pause and roll your eyes, sighing.   
  
"Of course I fucking made it home safe. You fucking left me so I walked home  _alone,_ you dick."  
  
"Well I-you don't underst-" You cut him off.  
  
"Then tell me, make me understand. What possessed you to just leave me like that dude, what the fuck? That isn't cool at all, ugh!"   
  
You don't hear anything, besides a sigh that's cut off by a.   
  
A beep.  
  
A beep, meaning  Dave hung up on you.   
  
What the literal fuck crawled in his ass and pissed him off so much?   
  
You sigh and throw your phone on your bed and sigh to yourself.   
  
This better not fuck anything up between you two, you can't lose Dave.  
  
_You can't fucking lose him._  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's short but hey, next one is probably not gonna be???? 
> 
> i don't know. i'm sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distance/Time apart makes the heart grow fonder.
> 
> For John's case, it makes his dick grow harder.
> 
> (i'm clever, thank you. i'll be here all night.)
> 
> Dave's POV.

It's been two weeks since you hung up on John and all you've done with the first two weeks of your summer was mope about John, make music, mope some more, and watch cartoons. Like you are right now.  
  
You're sitting on your couch, checking your phone for the billionth time to see if John's messaged you or not. He hasn't, obviously. He's mad at you and probably doesn't even want to move in with you anymore. You guys were gonna move in together in a month and a half, into this great apartment he found. Everything was going great and you were going to get to move in with your best friend(/love) and have a great time together in college.  
  
You don't even know what to do at this point.  
  
What should you do?  
  
You hate John, but you love him. And you definitely don't want to lose him.   
  
Ugh, this is so shitty.  
  
Why did he need to kiss her? Why did you need to leave? Why did he need to flip out?  
  
You sigh and switch on Steven Universe, curling up a bit as you stare at the TV screen idly. Your home alone and it's dark so you're not wearing your usual shades and you're watching it in the living room.   
  
You hum along to the little theme song and sigh a little, moving the hoodie you're wearing over your knees.  
  
You're kinda thankful for living in Washington, it's never too hot. Like now, it's summer but the highest it got was like 70 degrees. It's more rainy than anything really. You don't really like that but it's better than it being smoldering outside.  
  
You sigh softly and get up, grabbing yourself a can of Pepsi (way better than Coca Cola) before sitting back down and opening it up, taking a sip. You hum to yourself and watch theshow some more, setting your can down beside you.   
  
After a good thirty minutes, you hear the door to your house open.   
  
Bro shouldn't be home.   
  
Huh.   
  
Should you call the police?  
  
"Dave? Your cars here so you're here... right?" You hear John's slurred voice call out and the sound of the door shutting.   
  
Maybe you should call the police.  
  
You sigh and stand up, walking around the couch and facing John as you both just stare at each other. Someone's a mess. Haha, did you mean yourself? You're a mess but you hide it better than John because he's clearly a mess. Hair unstyled and the bad kinda messy where he didn't make it look good, clothes all messed up, and he looks like he hasn't gotten a lot of sleep. Damn, poor guy.   
  
But never mind all that, you want him to know you're pissed. Even though he's drunk. Still. You cross your arms and arch an eyebrow at him,(just now realizing that you're not wearing your shades so your eyes are showing and he can probably see clearly that you're not as angry as you're trying to put off but whatever fuck it.) then you speak.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing here?"  
  
"I miss you, Dave... i wanted to see you 'gain." He frowns and steps towards you, you step back.  
  
"So you come into my house, without even knocking, drunk and a mess. Damn, I'm so ready to forgive you John, so fucking considerate." You huff.   
  
"Dave, no I'm sorry. I miss you, please stay with me, don't hate me please." He steps forward again and you stay still, knowing you're just a step away from being against the wall behind you. You think he takes it as a sign to keep going because he steps up close to you, his arms slowly snaking themselves around your waist as he noses at  your neck, you just kinda stay still in his arms. For a moment, at least.   
  
"Stop, stop. John." You push lightly on his shoulders to try and look him in the eyes and he pulls back just a little for you to see those killer sapphire eyes and you almost melt, you bite your lip a little, eyebrows furrowing as you stare at him, not knowing what to do because what should you do?   
  
"I love you, Dave. Please still be mine." His vice sounds a little shaky and your eyes go wide but you keep your eyes trained on him, biting your lower lip nervously as you stare wordlessly.  
  
You pause and sigh, squirming out of John's arms and grabbing his hand then you start to walk towards your room with him. Once you're in, you hear him sigh happily and you shut the door. You turn to him and he's already taken off his shirt and kicked off his shoes and socks already, working on the button of his jeans. Fucking sexually pent-up teenager.  
  
You step up to him and he switches, tugging at your hoodie but once it's off, you smack his hand away. He whines and pouts at you.   
  
"Fuck no. Sit down." You see a little shock in his eyes mixed with his probable annoyance before he sits down and you sigh, walking in front of him and dropping to your knees, a couple inches from his crotch.  
  
You see him smile and shimmy out of his jeans, kicking them aside before one hand moves beside him to prop himself up as he leans back. The other hand moves to the back of your head, his fingers lace in your hair and you sigh, reaching over and palming him through his boxers. You hear a moan and you sigh softly, reaching and sliding his boxers down to show you John's impressive hard-on. This sexually pent-up teen needs to calm his shit.  
  
You start stroking him but his hand pushes your head closer and you hear him whine. You roll your eyes and lean in, licking a stripe up the side of his dick. A moan. You take him into your mouth and move your hands into your lap because you know John likes to do most of the pushing and he takes advantage of your lack of a gag reflex.   
  
His fingers tighten on your hair as he pushes you down on him, groaning softly as you hum around him and begin to suck. You run your tongue along John's underside and blink up at him as you blow him. He looks back at you and pants as he groans and keeps pushing your head up and down on his erection.  
  
He doesn't last very long, he simply tugs at your hair and tilts his head back, letting out a slightly louder moan before you feel his seed spurt out into your mouth. You pull off of him with a little pop then sigh, hesitantly swallowing.   
  
John smiles hazily at you and moves his boxers off as well before frowning at you.  
  
You sigh and take off your pajama pants and boxers, then he smiles and gets under the covers. Once he's snug, he opens his arms for you and you get in with him, his arms wrapping around you and you use his bicep as a pillow.  
  
He's asleep after a minute but you lay awake, your finger tracing little shapes into his skin as you think.  
  
"I love you, Dave. Please still be mine."  
  
He said that. To you.  
  
He said he loves you.  
  
He was drunk but when you do something and you're drunk, isn't it usually something you really do want to do, you just have the common sense not to when your sober.  
  
You're probably giving yourself false hope, you should stop.  
  
You think (hope) this means that you and John are better again, he'll probably act normal with you again in the morning.  
  
Maybe.  
  
You hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol bibles are needed for both me and you, reader.


	6. Chapter 6

You wake up with the familiar feeling of a throbbing in your head as well as the unfamiliar feeling of a naked Dave in your arms, and you're mutually naked. Huh.  
  
You didn't get drunk with him and yet you ended up here. Well hopefully you guys made up, you couldn't handle him not talking to you. It's the reason you got drink in the first place. What? It's totally normal to miss your best bro. It's not a gay thing.   
  
You groan softly as the sun shines through his blinds and Dave moves immediately. _(When did he wake up?)_  
  
"Morning." His voice is slightly groggy as he reaches over to his desk and hands you some Advil. "I'll get you some water." You look at him as he moves out of your arm and stands, (probably unintentionally) showing you his (nice) bare ass, before pulling on some boxers and walking out.  
  
You sit up a bit and take two pills out, setting the bottle aside and soon Dave returns with a small glass of water, sitting beside you and curling up as he leans on your side. You thank him and take the pills, drink the water, then set aside the glass before draping an arm over his shoulder.  
  
"So, we're good now, I take it?" You arch an eyebrow as you look at Dave's crimson eyes.  
  
"Mhm, clearly. Sorry about the party I just... I got pretty sick and needed to go home." He looks down a bit and you shrug.   
  
"It's cool, I overreacted. Sorry about that." You hum and he rests his head on your forehead. "So what did we do last night?" You lay your head over Dave's and pull his blanket up a little bit more over yourself.  
  
"Oh the usual. You were drunk and horny, as usual." He snorted and you nudge him a little.   
  
"Hey shut up, you probably loved it. I didn't say anything weird though, right?" You glance at him and he pauses before speaking again.   
  
"Nah, nothing out of the ordinary." You hum and nod at that, hand idly rubbing at Dave's shoulder as you look forward and sigh softly to yourself.

"Okay good." You smile at him and you think he smiles back, you can't tell for sure. You sit there for a while before you pull away to reach down and pull on your boxers again. Then you turn to Dave. "Breakfast?" You ask, he smiles and nods, standing before walking to his drawer and looking or a T-shirt, you assume. You hand him yours from the ground then he pulls it on over his head.   
  
It's loose and cute on him (no homo.) He smiles softly as he messes with the fabric of it. You kinda like seeing him in your stuff.   
  
_(Definitely not a "showing what's yours" thing, gosh you just enjoy seeing him in your clothes sometimes or having marks made by you on him or him moaning because of yo-you're getting off topic here.)_

He walks with you into his kitchen and you both pour yourselves some cereal, he gets cookie crisp and you get fruit loops. After you both pour in your milk and get spoons, you walk over and sit at the table next to Dave.   
  
He's smiling at you as he eats and you smile back every time. God, you love the way he looks right now. Your shirt on, the marks you made on his neck visible, his sunglasses off so you can see his eyes, you're the only person who gets to see them. It's like he's  _yours--_ and not in a weird way! You just... Yeah. No homo.  
  
No homo.   
  
You're straight of course, you just happen to enjoy the uh... The aesthetic of Dave. Yeah... You're straight, you swear. He's good in bed and so are you, it's friends with benefits and it means nothing to either of you, you're perfectly straight and Dave's perfectly gay with no feelings. Everything's fine.  
  
Why do you keep reassuring yourself?  
  
You're not gay, you swear you aren't gay.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU, i'm making Dave have a brother that actually takes care of him and doesn't neglect/abuse him much, like he's gone for work a lot so dave tidies (?words?) up a lot and yeah, idk. it's a more domestic household soo, yeah. Just clearing that one up! 
> 
> Haha John, ding dong you are wrong. 
> 
> So many people are sending me asks on Tumblr and it's making me so happy omg. 
> 
> (sorry this one's short, writers block :/ the next chapter should be kinda cool though!)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movinggg.
> 
> Dave's POV.

You sigh to yourself as you move the last box of your stuff into the new place you and John will be living in for your college years.   
  
You gotta admit, this place is pretty nice.  
  
It's this big apartment complex and your apartment is huge. You kinda feel bad because John is paying for two thirds of the rent because this place is so nice and he has the money for it. You grew up just barely making it, you had a lot of things most kids didn't have when you hit twelve because your bro started posting and making puppet shit and it ended up bringing in a lot of cash. He wasn't home much after that, but he still paid for groceries and electric and water bills, all that.   
  
But anyway, basically you need to get a job to pay for your rent, because your brother also taught you how to live on your own correctly and he didn't really give you any cash other than a check for a grand. (Which did help you a little, upfront costs and such) 

John's been brought into a rich family. He doesn't really need to do anything and he could still get money. His great grandma or something like that was _the_ Betty Crocker (as much as he hates the fact) and his grandma worked there and now his dad has his own bakery branching off of Betty Crocker industries, you bet the bakery is going to become a bigger thing and soon, John's going to be pretty loaded.  
  
He doesn't seem like much of a pampered rich boy. At least most of the time he doesn't.   
  
Anyway, this apartment is already furnished and everything. The furniture here is actually good too and the whole interior design is really good, at least in your opinion. You're really happy with this place.  
  
You and John live on the top floor (sixth) and when you walk in, you see an entertainment room with a big flat screen TV with an electric fireplace below it as well as a couch (looks like it could seat about five people if you squeezed) then there's a doorway that leads into the kitchen, with a big window and a counter attached to the wall with four nice bar stools around it for you to eat at. The kitchen is nice and decent sized, granite counters and a nicely sized fridge/freezer combo as well as a microwave, oven, dishwasher, and toaster. Damn, this place is  _so nice._  
  
When you walk out, you can go to a hallway with a door on each end, and two in the middle. Your room is the door on the right end, and John's room is the door on the left end, The door closer to your room is the "music and gaming room" as decided by the two of you, it has a bunch of posters put up and some of your photography, and your tables are on the left side of the room while John's piano is in the right upper corner. There' s another TV in there that isn't as big but you both set up your Xbox and Wii to it. You were iffy on that room but apparently the walls are soundproof and your neighbor is some old rich lady with a butler and she's deaf, so you're less worried.   
  
The door closer to John's room is the bathroom and it has a really nice shower with a detachable shower head and glass sides and a glass door, then there's a big mirror with two sinks on the counter below it and of course the toilet is to the left of it. There's also a big bath beside the shower with jets in it.  
  
Yes. Jets.  _Mother fucking jets._  
  
You swear you're like Annie and you're about to burst into the "I think I'm gonna like it here" number at any moment.  
  
You and him move all the boxes where they go and you start to put away your clothes and such in your room, taping a few of your favorite photos you've taken to your wall, the rest went into the gaming/music room, once you both finish up your rooms, you both sigh and sit at the couch for about an hour, watching TV and talking occasionally. You feel exhausted as hell so you go to bed at nine.  
  
Plans for tomorrow are find a job and finish up your college registrations, you both start next week. You both are so ready for this, it's so great to finally be done with high school, and even though it's a bit stressful, you're glad to finally get to be living on your own (with John, of course.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that interesting or long, sorry. next chapter will be though!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh interesting drama makes things more interesting. 
> 
> John's POV.

Have you mentioned how great it is to live on your own? It's fucking great.   
  
Well, you don't live alone because you have Dave but you're both supporting yourselves and you make your own rules! It's awesome.   
  
You and Dave moved in about a month ago and now you're both in college and things are pretty great. You have a normal job at red robin waiting tables and you occasionally play piano for parties or weddings, which pulls in a lot of extra cash. You were told you shouldn't need a job but you never know if that god awful corporation you come from could crash one day. So you'll play it safe and have a job, the hours are nice anyway and you only have to work five days a week, sometimes four. You and Dave came to an agreement that money you make with jobs goes to bills while leftover and inherited money goes to groceries. It works pretty well in your opinion.   
  
Dave is a DJ at this really cool nightclub down the street from your apartment (speaking of: your penthouse is fucking nice as hell, you _love_ it here.) And he works there on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday nights to match his college schedule and such. He really likes it there and even though he's nineteen they still let him work there, they just keep quiet about it and he has a fake ID in case someone asks. He gets free drinks too which is extra cool.   
  
Currently, you're sitting in your room on a Saturday night reading over notes and finishing up some homework. No shirt on just chilling in your sweat pants, it doesn't get more comfy than this. You sigh and set aside your work, rubbing your eyes under your glasses as you decide it's time for a break and you grab your laptop and open it up, deciding just to dick around and go on twitter or something to fill your time.  
  
You hear a door open and close then you smile a little, after a few moments, Dave is in the doorway looking at you, clearly drunk. You set your laptop aside and look back at him. "Hey. How was the club tonight? I didn't know it got this late." You grin and laugh, looking over at your alarm clock that reads 2:30 AM.   
  
"Club was fine, beats were sick, blah blah blah." He trails off in his slightly slurred voice, tugging off his shirt as he shuffles towards you, plopping down on the bed and situating himself between your legs. You raise an eyebrow at him and he sets his sunglasses aside, looking up at you with his Ruby red eyes, blinking slowly at you. "Can I suck your dick tonight or somethin'?.. We never do anythin' anymore because of fucking school and, like.. work and shit. Do you still wanna mess around with me or are you all tha way done with me now?" His hand moves to pull at the waistband of your sweat pants while thr other goes to palm at your crotch a bit and you move them away from there, not wanting to take advantage or something, you're also wondering where that came from. You sigh, looking back at him as your hand moves to Dave's chin so you can see him better.   
  
"What do you mean by that, Dave? You're really really drunk, I don't know if this is right man.. Maybe tomorrow we can do something." You look at him and he scrunches his nose as his hand lightly tugs at your waistband before he gives up and he lays his head on your thigh, using it as a pillow but he's still glancing up at you, your hand moves to pet lightly at his hair to try making him look less sad-ish and stuff.  
  
"John.. Do you know how much I love you? Like.. Like  _love_ love. Such a super duper gay fuckin' stupid hopeless love an' i hate it." He sighs and breaks the eyecontact between you too, now looking down but you just keep on staring at him with now slightly wider eyes.   
  
He loves you and  _why does it mean so much to you?_  
  
You bite at your lip and slowly move your hand from Dave's head to your side again, sort of at a loss for words. You think and try assessing what he's saying. It's Dave, he's drunk. He doesn't love  _you_. Why would he love you? No, he.. No. He doesn't love you because you're not gay and you don't like guys like that. You know you don't,  _he_ knows you don't.   
  
"I.. You don't know what you're saying, Dave.. You're just drunk. I'm.. I'm not gay." You gulp and look at Dave. He looks up at you and.. Oh, he's glaring at you, woah. You've never seen him look at you like this. It's like he hates you or something.. (He probably does.) He sits up and you can sort of see that the expression is kinda forced. Well, now you especially know that it's forced because it slowly melts away and then his eyes well up and a tear slips down his cheek. Now he's sniffling and letting out little sobs and your arms are around him and you can feel Dave just pathetically sobbing into your chest and  _this is your fucking fault._  
  
"I just.. I've loved you for so long, John.. A-and you're so fucking positive about being.. Being straight and it's just the fuckin' worse because I want you to wan' me for more reasons and for you to see me as more than jus' some stupid fucktoy.." He's hiccuping and curling up in your arms and you just hold him close and sigh as he shakes and trembles and sobs pathetically. You don't know what to do.   
  
It takes five more minutes for Dave to calm down, you just rub his pale, freckled back, counting how many freckles you see to try and pass time until his breathing is even and when you look at him again his eyes are heavily lidded and he yawns. You sigh softly and move to lay down before Dave moves and lays over you, his head resting on your shoulder with his face tucked into your neck. You reach and turn off the lamp on your bedside table then your hand moves to Dave's lower back and you pull a blanket up to your waist with a sigh.  
  
You stare up at your ceiling, Dave's fast asleep against you, snoring softly. _(He does that in his sleep when he's really tired, it's kinda cute. ((not in a gay way)) And you're one of the only people who really knows about his little snore.)_  
  
You think about what the hell just happened. You made him cry, he told you he loved you and he was so passionate about it but.. But it's Dave. And you're you. He wouldn't like you, he knows better than to like _you._  It's just a friends with benefits thing after all! That was the deal!  
  
Maybe he's just going through something.. He'll be fine. He can go find some gay dude to give him affection and love and shit.  
  
But.. Are you sure you'd like that?  
  
Dave, letting some other asshat fuck him and treat him nice and giving him love.. Would you be okay with that?  
  
That doesn't sound very nice. You'd hate that and you'd most likely chase the guy off. God, why are you like this? You're not gay and you're not with Dave. You've had like at least sixteen different girlfriends over the time you've been in this uh.. Relationship? Deal? Mutual agreement?? Whatever.   
  
But Dave never dated anyone.. He's only dated two people in his life, Terezi when he was in the seventh grade and then Karkat for a couple months before the two of you started fucking.. But after that? No, not a single date or kiss or hook up..  
  
You're thinking about this too much. Dave probably just didn't tell you.  
  
Stop over thinking it.  
  
You're not gay.  
  
You are  _not fucking gay._    
  
These words play over and over in your head.  
  
But soon you start asking yourself why you keep telling yourself this.. And why it's stopped sounding like you believe what you're saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh huh.
> 
> that's my shit.
> 
> (Btw, if you wanted to draw anything about my fic and show me, I track the tag "heartbreak with benefits" on tumblr. Someone told me they wanted to draw something that had to do with this and yeah.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are happening. 
> 
> Dave's POV.

You wake up face down on John's bed, shirtless with a headache to kill.  
  
With a heavy sigh, you reach and slide on your aviators. You swallow then make a face, you've got that nasty hungover taste in your mouth and everything. You reach and grab a bottle of Advil with a full glass of water set beside it,  _(did John set those out for you??)_ and then you gulp down a big swig of water with two of the pills. God, you hate taking pills.  
  
You slowly sit up all the way and down the rest of the water, you feel really dehydrated.   
  
You groan softly and pop your back a little, then stretch your arms out before slowly rising up and sighing. You walk to the entrance to the hallway and lean on the side as you squint to the kitchen.   
  
You raise an eyebrow and then furrow them upon the sight of a tanned and muscle-y back facing the stove, the smell of pancakes becoming more prominent.  
  
John's cooking breakfast for the two of you, that's sweet of him.  
  
You hum softly and trudge over into the kitchen and he smiles, turning his head to glance back at you as you move and pull yourself up on the counter next to John and the stove.  
  
"Morning sunshine. Sleep well?" He laughed a little, flipping a pancake over and you just groan again in response, leaning your head back on a cabinet.  
  
"Oh that sounds great, well breakfasts almost ready and I've got nothing today either so yay us." He hums a little tune to himself and you nod, reaching and pulling a paper plate into your lap so John could plop down some pancakes into your plate, hell yeah pancakes are the bomb.  
  
"Oh, well.. Good." You sigh softly as the pain in your head slowly, and thankfully, subsides. He plops three cakes on your plate and you grab a butter knife and take a bit of butter from the canister John had set out and then you spread it over all three of the pancakes. Then you slowly scoot off the counter, setting the plate on it before grabbing some syrup and smothering them in it.   
  
John scrunches his nose, only putting a little butter and like a dime of syrup on his five pancakes, how lame.

"Your sweet tooth is way out of control dude." He says while chuckling softly and you shrug, turning to go sit at a bar stool at the counter beside the big window that John moved some curtains over for you, how nice.   
  
John moves to go take a seat in front of you right before pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.  
  
....

Did that _really_  just happen?  
  
He's sitting and your staring at him, mouth agape as you do so.  
  
He fucking kissed your cheek?  
  
Wow this is. This is interesting. You don't think he's ever done that, especially not when he's sober or something. Wow. Okay. Wow.  
  
You bite your lip and look down at your pancakes again, beginning to eat like he is, maybe a bit slower.  
  
In the middle of eating, John breaks the silence. "I think we should stay here for Thanksgiving break. Then for Christmas you and I can go to my dad's place like normal." He smiles warmly at you, then you nod a little. You usually went to John's place on holidays because your brother couldn't make it, or he didn't feel like coming over at all. It was whatever for you, his dad started getting you stuff too, which was pretty awesome.  
  
"I'd be chill with that, staycation then chilling out with dadbert for Christmas. I like it." You hum, offering a small smile back as you chew at your food.   
  
John nods and sighs, still smiling to himself. You break the silence once again.   
  
"Did I say or do anything weird last night?" You ask, stabbing your third pancake with your fork idly.  
  
John just shakes his head, chewing at his last bite. "Nope, nothing out of the ordinary. You okay?" He asks.  
  
You just nod, maybe he's just in a really good mood...  
  
You kinda hope so.  
  
You don't want to go through a bunch of drama. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, things are changing??
> 
> thanks so much for all your support, dear readers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pbbbt dramas ensue. 
> 
> John's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like shit about this fic, not gonna lie. but like, a lot of you guys like it? 
> 
> not gonna lie, the end is near. most likely. possibly. 
> 
> idk i'm sorry i have so many other fic ideas you have no idea (they're all johndave ones fuck my l i f e)
> 
> this chapter's important. it seems like pwp but its not, it's important.

Ah yes, Thanksgiving break.  
  
The snows starting to fall, leaves are brown and orange, school's out.  
  
You get to watch lame-ass Thanksgiving movies with Dave all week, which is also a plus.  
  
It's what you're doing right now, in fact. You're watching the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special because it's all that's on right now. Your arm's around Dave, you both are in the usual shirt and jeans, it's a lazy day today though, so you guess you're both kind of overdressed. But you might go out for dinner or something, whatever.  
  
You're just bored and idly rubbing at Dave's shoulder, he's watching the TV, no shades on. His head's on your shoulder and he's curled up under a blanket.   
  
You really don't mind moments like these, when you're close to Dave and all relaxed and stuff.  
  
You hum and look over at Dave, he looks back at you and smiles a bit.  
  
"This movie is stupid." He says, blinking at you with his unshaded eyes.   
  
"Yeah, it is. I can think of a ton of better things we could be doing." You smirk. What can you say? Things haven't been as sexual lately with the two of you.. _Definitely not because when you do it you feel guilty or confused about... things_. Pssh whaaat?   
  
"Oh really? Why don't you show me some examples?" He raises an eyebrow, returning the smirk. Damn, that actually worked.   
  
You grin, leaning in and letting your arm drop so you palm rests on the small of Dave's back, then you lean a little closer to his ear, voice low as you speak. "My pleasure." You notice his eyes shifting and his cheeks tinting. You hum, your hand moving to meet over your other and then you guide Dave back on the couch, you dip down to catch Dave's lips with your own and your eyes slide shut. Dave's hands come to rest at the back of your neck as he kisses you back, you take the lead, of course, and deepen it. One of your hands slides down to grope Dave's ass and he makes a little pleased noise into the kiss.   
After a few moments, you allow your tongue to explore Dave's mouth and  _god,_ when he sucks and rubs his tongue against yours so needily, you can't help but groan and push down against him some more.   
  
You let the kiss last for a little longer and then you part, keeping your breaths even as you tug off Dave's shirt swiftly then toss it aside, then you lean back down and start pressing open-mouthed kisses up Dave's chest to his neck, then you dip to the side and start sucking at the spot that makes him moan, and hot damn does he pull through. His moans are so perfect and hot and teasing. He should be one of those people that run chat lines because he'd make a fortune with that moan of his.   
  
You suck in about three marks on his pale skin, his chest rising and falling as he breathes.   
  
You glance over him, admiring how pretty he looks. No biggie, you can admire that without having it mean something gay... Right? 

You hum against his throat and his fists grab and tug at your shirt as well, you gladly remove it as well and let it fall beside the couch. With a sigh, you flutter your eyes shut as you feel Dave's hands running down your torso, he's kissing at your neck and moaning against it now since you're grinding your hips down on his absentmindedly.  
  
Your hands grip his hips as you rut down on the blonde, his mewls heard since he's so close to your ear. You groan softly, then you shakily sigh. You don't wanna let go.   
  
Of this moment, of him. You don't wanna do it.  
  
Why are you so fucking attached to him? He's just some guy...  
  
But he's your best friend. You love him... In a platonic way, of course.  
  
You've been his best friend since kindergarten, sandbox pals since you could remember. It's always been you and him.  
  
But why...  
  
Why, all of a sudden, do you feel like you want more?  
  
Like you  _need_ more?  
  
You... You aren't like that.  
  
You don't like guys, you've only ever liked girls. Girls are hot and pretty and cool and... Girls.  
  
You're straight... You think.  
  
Are you homophobic? No, no. Your best friend is gay!   
  
You just don't swing that way.  
  
......  
  
But you're fucking another guy. Right now. You're letting him kiss you and you're grinding down on him... This isn't straight..  
  
Maybe you're uh... What Vriska is... Um, bisexual? Yeah. Bisexual.  
  
Maybe.  
  
Ugh, this is complicated, what are you even saying to yourself?  
  
You need advice. Like, badly.  
  
You undo Dave's skinny-ass jeans and tug them a little and he pauses, looking at you with his crimson lust-filled eyes. He speaks, voice shaky, his need showing. "Let's go to my room, I don't wanna pay for cum stains on the couch." You chuckle and nod, standing up and scooping Dave up with you. You carry him bridal style to his room and nudge the door shut with your foot, then plop Dave down on the bed.  
  
"Okay, we're going all the way, right?" You ask, opening up Dave's drawer and pulling out his lube, then shuffle out of your jeans.   
  
"Yeah sure, gimme." He holds out his hand for the lube after kicking off his jeans. You shake your head and open it. He looks at you, eyes slightly wider, but he shoots you a questioning look.  
  
"I wanna try. I've seen you do it enough to know the basics... So turn around." You say, kinda awkwardly. Dave looks like a deer in the headlights, all shocked and stuff. _(Kinda cute.)_ You hum and he slowly nods, moving on his hands and knees after sliding off his boxers for you.

You squeeze some of the slippery goo (what a pleasant way to word lube) on two of your fingers and then lean up to the bed, you set the bottle aside and then slowly guide your first finger in easily, working it in and out slowly. You can see Dave's holding back little noises, his back is arching a bit. You hum to yourself, once you can get your finger in for the most part, you slip another finger in, and do the same as you did with the first. Then you scissor your fingers like you've seen Dave do before. He lets out a little moan against the sheets below him.   
  
He's actually shocked you're doing this... Maybe you have been an asshole.  
  
You regret that. You didn't mean to be an ass to Dave, you swear! You just.. It's complicated.   
  
Really complicated..  
  
You think you're not as straight as you had originally planned.  
  
Dave moans out and tells you he's prepped enough, you remove your fingers from his entrance and tug down you boxers, then smear some lube over your dick. You wipe off your hand on the boxers and make a face at the feeling, then you move forward and slowly, carefully push into Dave. He lets out a soft groan and you grunt, after a few moments, you make it all the way in and then you start to rock in and out, starting slow and then you turn up the speed after a bit.   
  
His moans and groans are heard, your hands grip at his hips and he strokes himself with each thrust of your hips.  
  
...  
  
He's beautiful.  
  
He's understanding, and caring.  
  
Dave is amazing.  
  
Oh no...  
  
Your grunts get louder and soon turn to groans and moans and Dave smooshes his face into the sheets, moaning into the bed. You thrust a little harder as you approach your own climax. You voice a warning when you feel on edge and he nods, telling you keep going. You finish off inside of him and he strokes himself until he cums as well, your moans blending with his perfectly.  
  
After a few moments of quiet panting, you pull out, grab your boxers and wipe off yourself and then Dave. He cleans himself up a little better and you plop on the bed. He lays over you, resting against your chest with the blankets pulled up to both of your hips.   
  
You sit in silence for about a minute. Dave's eyes are shut, not that it really matters because you're staring up at the ceiling.  
  
You regain your breath.  
  
You're hand slides down along Dave's spine slowly, calmingly.   
  
You love him.  
  
You're fucked.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave doesn't get the (sort of) sudden change in attitude from John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dave's POV
> 
> sorry I haven't posted this sooner, stress and anxiety has been pretty gross. But yeah, here you go.

Thanksgiving break is pretty nice, in your opinion.  
  
You get some nice shots outside since it's fall and the leaves are changing in color and everything, it's pretty nice. And Starbucks is selling pumpkin spice things, god you love pumpkin spice lattes. And fall is when you're best dressed, in your opinion. Scarves and flannels and jackets and everything warm. It's all pretty awesome.  
  
You're kind of glad you and John chose to stay home for break, but you're also excited to go see his dad for Christmas in a few weeks, he always cooks such awesome shit around that time and you're really ready to pig out, especially since the diet here isn't as good. You can't cook for shit, and John only cooks high protein stuff so that he doesn't get flabby or anything, lame. Or you guys get pizza and he works out at the gym a ton the next day.  
  
Either way, it's not the best food. So you're excited to see Dadbert again.  
  
But you're excited in more than one way at the moment.  
  
John was forcing you to watch some lame Thanksgiving movie again and you can only be entertained with half-cuddles on the couch for so long. You basically initiated a sloppy make out session that led to more and now he's carrying you to your room. Damn, what a gentleman.   
  
You and John hadn't really messed around in a while. You had mid terms and he did too, it just wasn't really something you could fit in since you both had work as well. But when you guys come back, he's going to have work on the days you're in class and stuff so you might be able to some more spend time together after that, you're willing to switch around your schedule a bit but you should be able to see each other in afternoons that he isn't working late or you aren't working early.   
  
You didn't realize how much you missed his mouth, and his arms, his body. Oh  _god_ you forgot about his little grunts and groans that drove you insane. Jesus Christ, it's only been probably four months.  
  
You're too attached to this douche bag.  
  
You don't really mind at this point.  
  
You hum to yourself as you both strip and you lay back on your bed, looking up at John.  
  
"Okay, we're going all the way, right?" John asks and you nod, holding out your hand as he pulls out the lube tube. (haha sounds like a shitty band name)  
  
"Yeah sure, gimme." You say but John shakes his head, your eyebrows raise a fraction.  
  
He opens up the tube and squeezes some of the substance on to his fingers.  
  
 _Is he seriously doing this?_  
  
You stare up at him, eyebrows furrowing just a little as you try to form words to question him but before you can, he speaks again. His voice is layered with just a bit of nerves. It's pretty cute.   
  
"I wanna try. I've seen you do it enough to know the basics... So turn around."   
  
You think you're going to swoon. What on earth is happening to John? He never wanted to do this before but now he's gonna do it, barely any hesitation?  
  
Wow. This is. This is interesting.  
  
You nod a little and turn around for John, going on your hands and knees after removing your boxers so you're fully undressed.  
  
You feel his finger penetrate you, he's slow but you know it's just him being careful.  
  
 _Careful._  
  
He's being careful, as in he doesn't want to hurt you. He's making sure you're okay and willing to do this and he actually means it. He seems like he actually wants to do this and he's not just doing it so he can bust a nut. He's doing this with  _you._ Because he  _wants_ to.  
  
Wow.  
  
You feel really special.  
  
You moan softly as his fingers brush lightly over your prostate and hum, letting him know you're good to go once you're all prepped and such. Soon you feel John pressing himself into you and you moan again, dropping your arms and sighing against your blankets.  
  
God, you missed this.  
  
It's stupid to miss something that hurts you.  
  
Sometimes, you feel like some sort of a whore.  
  
For wanting this so bad. You've become somewhat dependent on it. It sucks, y'know.   
  
You want to be with this guy so bad but he doesn't want you. He never has.  
  
He's always claimed to be as straight as a line an it sucks because all you want is for him to love you.   
  
Sure, the sex is great and he's hot and yeah, being single can be fun but it's not so fun when the person you're after has never shown any romantic interest in you whatsoever.  
  
It's selfish of you.  
  
To want him to change his sexuality for you, it's selfish and you hate it. You hate going through this back an fourth thing with yourself.  
  
You want John, you want all of him and you want him in any way possible. It fucking sucks.  
  
You wish you didn't let this start. You wish you didn't develop a crush on him and let him in like this because now you're so conflicted and confused and sad. You feel sorry for yourself and partially for him too, because he doesn't deserve to go through the drama you know you've already brought him into. It just sucks because you love him and you have loved him and you want what's best for him and you'd do anything he wanted but you also know that he can be extremely selfish and he wants this, he wants to fuck you and you want it too now. But you know he doesn't want you and it's shitty because that's the one thing you want the most.  
  
Him.  
  
You want him. You can't express how much you want him.  
  
You didn't want to pull him into all of this but you did and you hate it. You just can't do anything about it now, you don't want to either.  
  
It's something you need to stop. You need to stop liking him and you need to go date someone else. It's time for you to move on. Rose has tried to get you with other people before but you always denied them right away, you didn't want to accept the hopeless crush you had, or, have on John.  
  
You don't think you ever will. Especially now that he's being so nice and caring to you. God you love him.  
  
You hate yourself.  
  
Your moans gradually increase and your head tilts back just a little as you both reach your climaxes, letting out louder moans with each other. Soon, you both ride it out and he helps clean the both of you up (to your shock once again) and then he lays down, and you lay over him, your head resting on his chest.  
  
Your eyes shut after a few moments and you relax into him with a sigh, focusing on your breaths.  
  
His hands slide down your spine slowly and you relax against him, feeling sleep pulling at you more and more by the minute.  
  
You still love him.  
  
You're fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for the read!
> 
> my tumblr is fenrisd


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